Mobileread
MobileRead Short Story Anthology - [DISCUSSION & REVIEW]
#21  Graham 03-07-2014, 10:15 AM
Quote gmw
Note: There is an element of unfairness in some of these comments. When I write a contemporary story I tend to assume my readers will be in a culture recognisably similar to my own - and this lets me get away with a lot. My own story opens in a bar that I do very little to describe, I expect my readers to fill in many of the details. It's a cheat, but one that works when the readers already carry a reasonably common and predictable set of images about what a "bar" is. It wouldn't work at all if the story was handed to some other cultures. Your story doesn't have that advantage if you want your story to work for an audience like myself.
On the other hand, that very element of unfairness is what gives this story the potential to be one of the most fascinating in the anthology for a Western audience. I'm really looking forward to seeing the setting brought out more and reading it again.

Spoiler Warning below






I like gmw's suggestion that it could be understood from the outset that this was an unsettling dream, particularly if the protagonist is trying to explore why he's having the dream - what does it resolve?

If nothing else, that's a good fallback position if an alternate ending doesn't suggest itself.

Graham
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#22  Graham 03-07-2014, 10:21 AM
Quote gmw
I may be wrong, but I feel as though Gavin's nature is part of the "spark" to the opening of the story. A more - I'd like to say "ordinary" but not sure that's accurate, so let's try - likable character would make the opening feel more sedate and may confuse the reader's reaction at the end of the story. (Or the reaction I was looking for.)

I suppose some readers may get turned off ... but I think I'll chance it as it is.
Yes, I think you're right.

Spoiler Warning below






The fact that he starts off as such a jerk did mean that I was itching (as it were) for him to get his comeuppance. It also gave me some expectations about what would happen to him which set up the twist nicely.

Graham
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#23  mrmarlowe 03-07-2014, 11:20 AM
Quote Graham
Spoiler Warning below






I like gmw's suggestion that it could be understood from the outset that this was an unsettling dream, particularly if the protagonist is trying to explore why he's having the dream - what does it resolve?

Graham

THAT is the toughest thing for me to execute. Let me try and see how well I can do it.
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#24  Katsunami 03-07-2014, 02:22 PM
Am I the only person at this point who actually started out from scratch, or do you all write stories so much quicker than me? I'm now writing the second part of my story...

I feel as if my input on the other stories could be irrelevant :X (I planned to read them as soon as I post my own Version 1.0.)
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#25  mrmarlowe 03-07-2014, 02:33 PM
Quote Katsunami
Am I the only person at this point who actually started out from scratch, or do you all write stories so much quicker than me? I'm now writing the second part of my story...

I feel as if my input on the other stories could be irrelevant :X (I planned to read them as soon as I post my own Version 1.0.)

I think we're in the same boat now. Although I had written the story much before this contest started, it doesn't matter much now. I just realized it is not good enough so I am re-writing it. You're welcome to read it once I upload version 1-3. All types of feedback are important; after all we are here to make ourselves better story writers ain't it so?
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#26  Graham 03-07-2014, 02:41 PM
Quote Katsunami
Am I the only person at this point who actually started out from scratch[?]
Yup.

What I have so far of mine was only written at the end of February though. And I didn't reread it until today...

Hopefully I'll get it to a v1 draft in the next couple of days.

Graham
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#27  Katsunami 03-07-2014, 02:41 PM
Fair point. Just leave the older versions in the Dropbox as well; I'd still like to compare
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#28  mrmarlowe 03-07-2014, 02:48 PM
Quote Graham
Yup.

What I have so far of mine was only written at the end of February though. And I didn't reread it until today...

Hopefully I'll get it to a v1 draft in the next couple of days.

Graham

Do it fast coz you would have to re-read mine again which is only getting longer (4k words as of now; this way I can get away with writing just two stories instead of three LOL).
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#29  Graham 03-07-2014, 02:54 PM
Quote mrmarlowe
Do it fast coz you would have to re-read mine again which is only getting longer (4k words as of now; this way I can get away with writing just two stories instead of three LOL).
I seem to have spent a couple of hours earlier basically 'rearranging the deckchairs'. You're right. Must write faster!

Graham
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#30  mrmarlowe 03-07-2014, 02:59 PM
Quote Graham
I seem to have spent a couple of hours earlier basically 'rearranging the deckchairs'. You're right. Must write faster!

Graham
Your stuff is intriguing though. A little techy but I look forward to reading it tomorrow.
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