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Unutterably Silly Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day
#1  Wetdogeared 01-04-2009, 12:07 PM
Hi all, a little levity always brightens the day. Read/Add a joke that will make us laugh, or at least think a bit.

Watch the language. I'll start us off with this one:

Subject: It's a Canadian classic folks !!!!!

As a North Bay trucker stops for a red light on Hwy.11, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl
catches up again. She jumps out of her car runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window.

As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly,
"Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again.
All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door.
The trucker lowers the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says,............

"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in CANADA , and I'm driving the f------ SALT TRUCK......."
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#2  lilac_jive 01-04-2009, 12:19 PM
AGHAHAHAHHA that is awesome!
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#3  zelda_pinwheel 01-04-2009, 12:31 PM
the SALT TRUCK !!! hahahaha !!!



i'm going to send that to my cousin in canada, she loves jokes too.
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#4  ShortNCuddlyAm 01-04-2009, 12:42 PM
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#5  Madam Broshkina 01-04-2009, 02:58 PM
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. "Well, there's so much to live for!" "Like what?" "Well... are you religious?" He said yes. I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?" "Christian." "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant ? "Protestant." "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?" "Baptist" "Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?" "Baptist Church of God!" "Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist Church of God?" "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off.
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#6  lilac_jive 01-04-2009, 03:07 PM
Quote Madam Broshkina
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. "Well, there's so much to live for!" "Like what?" "Well... are you religious?" He said yes. I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?" "Christian." "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant ? "Protestant." "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?" "Baptist" "Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?" "Baptist Church of God!" "Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist Church of God?" "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off.
I've heard that one before, it always makes me chuckle
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#7  Madam Broshkina 01-04-2009, 03:15 PM
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."
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#8  ShortNCuddlyAm 01-04-2009, 03:35 PM
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#9  Wetdogeared 01-04-2009, 03:41 PM
He're another one (no offence to students) WDE.

Painting the Porch

A student, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire himself out as a 'handy-man' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. He went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for him to do.
'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said, 'How much will you charge me?'
Delighted, the student quickly responded, 'How about $50?'
The man agreed and told him that the paint brushes and everything he would need was in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, 'Does he realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?'
He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?'
The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those stories of student pranksters we've been hearing about on the news lately.'
Later that day, the student came to the door to collect his money.
'You're finished already?' the startled husband asked.
'Yes, the student replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.'
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to him along with a ten dollar tip.
'And by the way, ' the student added, 'it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus.'
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#10  carandol 01-04-2009, 03:53 PM
My favourite joke of all time, I don't know why, is:

Why does Edward Woodward have so many Ds in his name?
Because if he didn't he'd be called Ewar Woowar.
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